By Mr. Mal Occhio
WrestlersRamblings.com wrestling blog 

Gotta admit, gang – this new time slot for RAW in Canada is a killer. While starting an hour later may not seem like a big deal to many (as detailed right here) ol’Mr. Mal ain’t as young as he used to be, and with two jobs on the go - plus performing my mandatory allotment of nefarious doings as part of being a purveyor of the evil eye – frankly, this morning, Mr. Mal is bushed. Nonetheless, summoning the strength of Samson (as well as a few hoary hosts of Hoggoth) here is a RAW recap for those who may have missed the WWE’s weekly signature show, this time emanating from Jerry Lawler’s hometown of Memphis, TN. 

The show begins with Vince and Shane McMahon getting some cheap heat by appearing in Elvis costumes. To Mr. Mal, smearing the King of Rock and Roll to try and advance a lame wrestling angle in 2006 is just lazy, frankly. I would expect this from a small independent promotion – not World Wrestling Entertainment. Who writes this stuff? . . . WWE Women’s champ Mickie James takes on the soon-to-be-departed Trish Stratus. But no! Here comes the talentless Lita (Mr. Mal cannot wait until this do-nothing leaves the WWE once and for all) with her man, WWE champ Edge, to announce they were taking over RAW for their perceived lack of respect they are currently receiving . . . z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z . . . sorry. But is it just Mr. Mal, or does Edge just wreak mid-carder to you, too? He should sure thank his lucky charms to be in the position he is in, thanks to RVD’s misfortunes. To me, he just isn’t a main-eventer. All these years in the business, and he still cannot talk on the mic worth spit. And Lita trying to look sexy anymore is just sad. Rumor has it she wants to get into acting soon, too. Well, unless she is going to continually play the part of a poorly-acting wrestling valet, Mr. Mal would advise her to save her pennies. She stinks. A brief schmaz sets up a mixed-tag later in the show. Next  . . .

With the lovely Melina at ringside (with her man, IC champ Nitro), Kane pinned Shelton Benjamin in under three minutes to become the number one contender. Mr. Mal will never understand why Benjamin isn’t pushed to the moon. Not only can he flat-out tear it up in the ring, but he’s actually developed a persona now. Instead, another win for the Big Red Machine. Whatever . . . John Cena was up next, for a mic segment where he showed a funny faux magazine called “Crying Bitch Illustrated� with Edge adorning the cover. For his cockiness, he got a match with Viscera, courtesy of Coach. Actually turned out to be a decent bout, with Cena performing a convincing F-U to big Vis – amazingly . . . It was then time to advance the lame McMahon-DX angle, with Shawn Michaels getting arrested for attacking Shane. Gee – I haven’t seen this spot for, well, weeks! Heck – it may even been just last week. Who can tell anymore? Next . . .

Edge/Lita teamed to fight Carlito/Trish. Edge ended up giving a nasty spear to Trish near the end of the match, after Carlito moved out of the way. Too bad Trish is leaving – really – as Mr. Mal believes her to be the preeminent talent in that division, along with Victoria. The WWE will be hard-pressed to find another female as talented – overall – as Trish. Again, Lita was beyond lame, and Carlito – as always – was cool . . . Good interview spot with Randy Orton that announced Hulk Hogan’s knee injury . . . Next up – this week’s installment of Ric Flair-Mick Foley. Man, this stuff somehow gets better and better every week. To Mr. Mal, this is the best angle they have run since . . . well, a long time, gang. How much is a work? How much is a shoot? Brilliant – with both men at the top of their game. This is one match – oh yeah, by the way, they will be meeting in an “I Quit! Match� at Summerslam – Mr. Mal cannot wait to see, as both men vowed to end the other’s career. Joy! Let the crimson run red, says Mal! . . .

Randy Orton v Jerry Lawler: The King of Memphis sure looked regal in his all-white outfit, only to promptly get in a mere two slaps to the face against the Legend Killer, en route to doing the job. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again – Lawler deserves better in-ring treatment in the WWE. A true legend that can still put on a good match that, once again, rolls over like Jake Milliman at the fabulous Las Vegas Showboat and Casino. Sigh . . . Diva Contest saw Erica voted off, with Mr. Mal’s fav (Jen) still in the running . . . A video then hyped the imminent return of Jeff Hardy. I’m sure – somewhere – PizzaSteve was smilin’ as he was openly hoping for Jeff’s return . . .

Finally, the main event saw HHH actually put over Umaga. Now, it ain’t like he took the man’s best shot and simply did the job, though, which leads me to the bigger overall question – how exactly does this build-up the Samoan bulldozer if fans know that, in order to beat HHH, it took not only Umaga - but Vince McMahon, Shane McMahon, plus, Armando Alejandro Estrada interfering – in order to beat down HHH enough to leave himself open for the dreaded Samoan Spike? I mean, was this a no-DQ and Mr. Mal just missed it? I hate matches like this, truth be told. Again, some interference has pretty much become a standard part of wrestling, but to this degree? It’s just ridiculous, really. It makes Umaga look weaker to me, not stronger. Then again, what do we expect from an angle with Vince at the center? It’s all about him – right?

Please let this be the McMahon’s final angle in the main event spotlight. Mr. Mal is beggin’ the ghosts of Lou Thesz, Andre the Giant, Eddie Guerrero – the whole lot of them – to do what they can to get these idiots off my TV. They can’t work, they are completely played-out as characters and are simply glory-hounds and tights-sniffers that should realize that no one cares about them anymore, no matter what the storyline. And no, I wouldn’t pay money to see them get their payback, either. We’ve all seen that a thousand times before. Who cares. Push your real talent, Vinny – God knows you have lots on your rosters, and go count your money in the back. Mr. Mal likes his RAW 99 percent McMahon-free, thanks.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, August 8th, 2006 at 10:35 am and is filed under Everything Else Wrestling, Musings from Mal Occhio, WWE News and Views. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.